3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy (2011)

Date and Place of viewing- 25 April 2011; Taipei Vieshow Cinema (Xinyi)
Country of Origin - Hong Kong
IMDB's Rating - 5.8 out of 10
My Rating - 6/10

     Animal penises, puny and extremely long human wieners, disabled apprentices, an ageless hermaphrodite, iron lotus, chastity belt, aerial sex scene, seduction of a monk, and more...These are some of the interesting things the movie has to offer: in 3D.

     I went to Taiwan last week, and much to my utter delight, the 3D erotic movie, Sex and Zen, was showing then.  I had a busy schedule to follow during my trip to Taiwan but I managed to catch the screening of the Hong Kong blockbuster a few hours before my flight back home.  So, yay for me!

     If I am not mistaken, 3D Sex and Zen opened in Taiwan on the 15th of April and it was given an R rating.  I thought it was a serious movie, but it turned out to be a comedy!  

     So, the movie is about a scholar/painter during the olden days in China who seeks to pursue the zenith of sexual pleasure while young and alive.  In the beginning of the movie, Yangsheng (the scholar/painter), converses with a monk who has been practicing his belief for more than 50 years, and with whom he tattles about the not-so-good deeds of a certain Prince.  Then, Yangsheng tags along his friend who is supposed to meet a lady, Yuxiang, for an arranged marriage.  But as fate would have it, Yangsheng wins the heart of Yuxiang and they get married. 

      All's well, right?  Well, yes, sort of.  Yuxiang and Yangsheng are in love with each other but Yangsheng has problems keeping his wife sexually satisfied.  Yangsheng tells Yuxiang that he'll get better in time, and winter, spring, summer and fall go by, and still, Yangsheng does not get any better.  In fact, the pretty wife gets bored, to the point of yawning while doing it.

     So, Yangsheng decides to go with his friend, the one who Yuxiang refused to marry, to go to the Prince renowned for his sexual prowess, well, to learn the ropes.  However, instead of learning and practicing the knowledge and skills with his wife, he spends his days at that Prince's lair, a sex den of some sort.  This causes Yuxiang and Yangsheng's inevitable divorce, and a series of sexcapades for Yangsheng, including getting a new penis from a donkey.  Later on, he discovers the Prince's secret agenda and Yangsheng will learn in the process that sex is not the sole determining factor to achieve happiness and love.

     Truth be told, it was my first time to watch a movie like Sex and Zen, and given the comedy plot, I can say that I kinda enjoyed the movie.  It was crude and perverted but amusing.  As for the 3D effects, well, I think it was just a scheme to make viewers want to see it.  I mean, who wouldn't want to see a 3d erotic film?  And apparently, there are a lot of female audience in Hong Kong, and there are even cinemas devoted to an all-female audience.  However, it was not as 3D as I wanted it to be.  And oh, I only saw female genitals  but the male genitals were always covered in some piece of cloth.  We just get the idea how big or small through its shadows and silhouette. But we did see some animal penises in one of the comedic scenes and a computer generated penis of some sort.

     Oh yeah, if you love Japanese porn, you may recognize some of the actors and actresses but of course, I don't know them, except for the info I found after watching the movie.  One thing is for sure, the cast are pretty.

     For its novelty, it is no wonder that this movie is a hit in Hong Kong (slaying the first-day sales of Avatar) and Taiwan.  But for the story, it's quite meh.  However, I didn't regret watching it.  For one, it is an experience worth telling, and for another, it would not be shown here in the Philippines on the big screen so I am now one of the chosen few who had seen it at the cinemas.  Yup, I do have bragging rights now.  Heehee.

      

      And this is NMA's (the Taiwanese company famous for its Sims-like portrayal of current news and events; like Tiger Woods infidelity story) background for the movie - Porn pontoon!

     To those wondering how I understood the film, there were subtitles in Chinese and English which I didn't expect.  I was intent on watching the movie with or without the subs.  Heehee.

Yogi Bear Wins Children's Hearts (But Not Mine)

Date of screening - 29 January 2011
Cinema - Greenbelt 3, Makati
Rotting Tomatoes - 14%
My Rating - 3/10 just because the kids watching had fun with the movie

     When I was a kid, I loved to watch re-runs of Yogi Bear.  The cartoons then was by Hanna-Barbera, and hey, there's a studio in our city called Fil-Cartoons which supplies the animation to Hanna-Barbera but I haven't seen their signage in years.  I think it closed already.

     Yogi Bear is a dear reminder of my happy childhood years. I used to sing it's theme song, "Yogi Bear is smarter than the average bear; Yogi Bear is always in the Ranger's hair," or something like that.  But much as I used to laugh hard at Yogi's basket-snatching tactics, it was Boo-Boo who always had an impression on me.  He doesn't claim he's smarter than the average bear like Yogi does but he's the voice of reason...He's also very patient with Yogi and his not-so-successful tricks.  So, when I heard that Yogi Bear's made into a film, I was kinda happy, but then again, I was not expecting too much from the movie.  After all, I am not a kid anymore.

     So, I watched Yogi Bear last Saturday; it was a toss between Love and Other Drugs, The Green Hornet, The Tourist and one other film that I totally missed out the title.  I didn't want to see St. Angelina and Johnny Depp...neither did I want to watch Jake and Anne.  I would have picked The Green Hornet, again, but that would be like stalking Jay Chou, right?  So, I settled with something that would at least make me reminisce about my childhood so I picked Yogi Bear.  Well, I was hoping to see Tangled but it was not yet in theaters last week, so I had to sit through Yogi Bear.

     I was surprised to learn that Boo-Boo was voiced by Justin Timberlake...did they auto-tune him to make him sound like Boo-Boo?  Both he and Dan Aykroyd sounded just like Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo from the golden days of yore.  Also, I was amused to see Anna Faris from the Scary Movie series.  I was half-hoping that Toshio and Samara would come out from their hiding hole, too.  Hahaha.

     At the theaters, I was so baffled at the sheer number of people who watched the movie.  While the theater was smallish in size, it was 2/3 full.  There were about a hundred people in there, perhaps more, and definitely more than the number who watched The Green Hornet the other weekend.  Heehee.  But they're mostly made up of kids with their reluctant parents in tow.

     If I were to say that the movie sucks, the kids watching in the theater would throw their popcorns at me,and yell for their parents to beat me up.  Really.  The kids enjoyed the movie.  It was a  no-brainer; it was made for little kids, especially those in pre-school.  So, don't you adults try to understand the shenanigans of the film.  It was not made for you after all.  Personally, I found myself kinda enjoying it because the kids were definitely having great fun.  I was surrounded by kids and I could hear them say, "Daddy, daddy, look!  It's so funny!  Hahaha! [enter narration of the child  here]."  By the end of the movie, I was like, well, I got what I deserved.  I wanted to watch a kid's movie so I shouldn't complain; but really, I was at least smiling at times, and laughing at one point (because of the cute kiddies who were totally engrossed).  And, the kids clapped after the movie.  It was a collective clap and no one told them to do it.  So, the kids have spoken: Yogi and Boo-Boo for the win!

     Sometimes, you really need to realize that not all films are made for people of all ages.  But you may just argue that Hayao Miyazaki has great success with Ponyo and a string of perhaps some of the greatest movies ever made: Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, My Neighbor Totoro and Grave of the Fireflies.  Just like Pixar's Toy Story 3 which  not only slayed at the box office but likewise earned critical recognition.  Well, Miyazaki is a master after all, and John Lasseter is always inspired by Master Miyazaki's divine creations.  So, Yogi Bear may not have an excuse for having a storyline that might have been tolerable in a five-minute mini-episode of the original cartoons but not in a full-length movie.  But hey, the kids in the theater disagreed and had a grand ole time.  Who am I to argue?

My Love for Movies, Falling in Love with Jay Chou, and The Green Hornet, in No Particular Order

Date of screening - 22 January 2011
Cinema - Greenbelt 3, Makati
Rotting Tomatoes - 45%
My Rating - 6/10

     One of my many varied interests, aside from watching animes, asian tv series, reading manga and picture-less books (ha!) and travelling, I also love to watch movies.  Yup, in fact, every week, I go to the theaters to watch anything that's being shown.  I am not particularly choosy when it comes to watching movies at the theaters.  I mean, if all movies showing within a certain week suck, I’d just choose the least crappy one.  It’s just like choosing the lesser evil.  Hahaha.  While I may be an easy sell as to  movies shown on the big screen, I am more discerning when watching movies on DVD.  I mean, with DVDs, I have the choice to watch movies that really appeals to me, so why the heck would I endure watching something I don't really like?

     So, what made me want to put up a blog regarding movies, aside from my love of movies?  Well, let’s just say that I watched The Green Hornet the other Saturday, and I was really impressed by Jay Chou who played Kato.  He seemed so cool!  In fact, I think that I fell in love with him.  Lol!  I was so affected by his on screen charisma that my heart started pumping hard!  Doki-doki.  It has never happened to me before,and I was really confused.  So, I thought, I should chronicle about those unexpected "moments."   Then, it occurred to me, why not start a blog and make my views known?  I am not a film critic, though; I just love movies.  And since I watch a movie every single week, I might as well write down my views about the movies I saw.  In plain language, it just means, "I want to express how much I fell in love with Jay Chou just by watching The Green Hornet but so as not to look like a crazed fan-girl, I'd start a movie review /reaction blog..." LOL!

     Well, what better way to start my blog than by writing about The Green Hornet?  (You had it coming, didn't you?)  I mean, it had received some bad and sometimes even pretty scathing reviews.  So, what are my thoughts about it? (Another excuse just to talk about Jay Chou?  Heh.) 

     While admittedly, the film had lots of flaws, I was still highly entertained.  I mean, I know the film was less than stellar; in fact, it was not so good as a whole.  I wonder how did that ever happen with Michel Gondry who directed the masterpiece, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (anyone who could make me like Jim Carrey must be a genius).  However, despite the ho-hum, The Green Hornet has a lot to offer in terms of comedy. The movie is still palatable, not only because I was smitten by Jay Chou, but because the film is funny!  Perhaps not Superbad  funny (it was co-written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, too, just like The Green Hornet) or Kick Ass funny, but it is still funny!

     ‘Fess up: you who watched The Green Hornet laughed so hard at the opening scene…if not, you rolled in laughter silently.  I mean, the genius of Christoph Waltz, as Chudnofsky, the vain villain whose name no one could pronounce, showed through while he was being dissed by the new-villain-on-the block, a.k.a. Crystal Clear played by the brooding James Franco who was equally delightfully funny in that scene.  Lest you forgot, Jame Franco starred opposite Seth Rogen in the weeds movie, Pineapple Express, as well as in the short-lived tv series, Freaks and Greeks.  So, he has street cred when it comes to comedies.

    Chudnofsky and his double-barreled gun.

     As for the character conceptualization, I can empathize with the haters of this movie; The Green Hornet, Britt Reid, was made to look like a rich, good-for-nothing party boy who is always in trouble and always in the center of every party in town; just like Paris Hilton.  In fact, Rogen even said that the character was patterned about the blond heiress.  Well, isn’t The Green Hornet a superhero? So why did Rogen portray Britt Reid as a male Paris Hilton bot in the movie? 

 

     I guess, Rogen wanted to break the hero mold; perhaps, he wanted to humanize the Green Hornet.  The Green Hornet is a human after all, and as a human, isn't he subject to the same follies and weaknesses of mankind? Must all heroes start out as geeks, goody-goody, wimpy,or holier-than-thou?  Don't we want to cheer on the prodigal son who found his way back?  Hmm...

     Oh well, I know the movie was not easy for some to digest, but really, it had its share of highs.  The highs, namely, the Black Beauty, the charming, good looking, human swiss army knife called Kato, played by Asian superstar, Jay Chou, the brotherhood and the not-so-subtle bromance between Kato and Reid, Chudnofsky, Gangsta's Paradise, and the fact that Kato and Britt Reid stood side by side as equal partners, not as master and servant.  I loved the way Rogen made Kato look not only as a hand-dandy sidekick but as an equal.  That scene when Britt Reid haughtily ordered Kato to make him coffee in front of Lenore Case (Cameron Diaz), and Kato angrily did what he was told but afterwards he pulled Reid for a warning not to do that again...with a punch that put a hole in the cabinet beside Reid's head?  Oh yeah, the scene where Reid and Kato were fighting was also another plus for me.  I mean, Kato kicked Reid's butt big time and were it not for the latter's sly tactics, he would have been a goner.

     And oh yeah, there was a lot of crap comments about Jay Chou's english.  Some find it really hard to understand what he says.  Personally, it was not that bad.  There are times that I want to ask, "what did he say?" but most of the times, he delivered his lines in good english, and I swear, he said something in Chinese in the movie.  He tried hard and english is not his first language.  Nonetheless, his lines weren't dubbed.  And putting subtitles would have been dumb.

     While the theater was quiet all throughout the movie, in fact, I was the only one laughing, and there were just about 50 or so people inside the theater on its opening weekend, I didn't regret buying that Php 320.00 ticket.  I was entertained by the movie, I was amused by the apathy of the people watching which made me wonder if they were all geezers or something, I had a new-found respect for Seth Rogen (who's really cute and cuddly when he's speaking/promoting about this movie even though he lost weight), I had my curiosity piqued by the stellar performance of Christoph Waltz and James Franco, I heard Jay Chou singing for the first time and in English, and I fell in love with him in our less than two hours encounter.  See, I really got my money's worth, although there's nothing to see in 3D.

     Question is, will I watch it again?  Yes.  I might want to own a DVD but Jay Chou is 90% of the reason why.  There.